How to wear High heels

Before I came to Seoul I was a certified comfy flat shoe wearer! I had high heels in my wardrobe but would just wear them in front of the mirror and sigh, so sophisticated, so adult, so powerful, so PAINFUL! Then with some small regret switch into my plain black ballerina pumps for the day ahead.

boy have times changed.

This would be me if I was not so lazy

I am a high heel wearing machine now! And I'm going to teach you my tricks to lasting through the day in a pair of heels! 

Get the right shoe

Under pressure

Now the laws of physics mean that when you place a large weight on top of a small surface area then the pressure on that area is greater, and pressure equals PAIN. When you are wearing high heels you are placing all your body weight on just the balls of your feet instead of your whole foot so after a while your feet will hurt. 

Whole lot of body weight and not enough surface to balance it on!

So what is the solution? spread your weight! aka. a wedge heel!

Not only are they stylish but because they spread your weight over a surface area the same size as your foot the pressure and therefore pain is dramatically reduced! whoever said science and fashion don't mix?

Support that Ankle

When you are wearing an open top heel, even if it's a wedge heel, your foot is most likely constantly battling to stay in place and not slip out.

Cute but deadly

When you are walking your ankle will move first and your foot will tense to try to keep the shoe in place. Even if you don't notice it, it is extra effort on your legs, and effort equals PAIN!

So the solution? buy shoes that have support across your ankle as well as over the top of your foot, this can be in the form of straps or boots that go up to the ankle.

with your ankle supported your feet will slip less and it will be easier on your feet and legs to walk, also less blisters since your foot will move around less and therefore less rubbing.

Don't cramp your toes

excessive high heel wearing can lead to health problems in your feet, sad but true. Most commonly it can cause bunions, which is where your bones have been pushed in an awkward way to the point that they shift, and a lump forms by the joint. You need surgery to place the bone in the correct position again. I'll spare you the grizzly details, google it if you want to be scarred for life with pictures of extreme cases.

The lead cause of this is wearing high heels, in particular, the kind with pointy tips that crush your toes, and crushing your toes equals PAIN.

Devil shoes

If you are spending all day everyday crushing your toes into a small point, it's not good for you. So go for shoes that have a rounded tip as your day-to-day heels.

Train your feet

Blisters

oh how I despise them, even in flat shoes I will inevitably get them. Sad to say there is no real cure for them, if a shoe's gotta rub a shoe's gotta rub, but there is hope at the end of the tunnel!

After the blister heals the skin in that area will get harder and stronger, to the point that blisters will no longer form! You just have to train your feet to wear the shoes until your foot is hard in all the right places and blisters will no longer be a problem!

HOWEVER! Each shoe likes to rub in different places, so each pair of new shoes will require training. The hardened areas will also fade over time so if you don't wear a pair of shoes for a long time your feet will need to be trained again. 

Also the stage before the blister has healed is pretty damn painful, so my advice to deal with the training pain is to wear stockings or socks, and plasters until the blister has healed. Also make sure the shoe is a good size so as to avoid excess rubbing.

Heel Hight

It takes time for your feet to adjust from being constantly flat to constantly curved, so you need to train your feet to gain in hight little by little, start off with a low heel and work your way up once you feel confident enough.

As a starter shoe I highly recommend trainer high heels, they tend to be the most comfortable yet give you the extra height and leg definition as high heels. They also make a great day-to-day shoe.

Some of my best shoes have been trainer heels, they are wedges, support your ankle, made of a soft material, and also since you wear socks with them blisters are minimal.

Plan ahead

When you are breaking in a new set of heels, you need to challenge yourself to wear them without going so far as to ruin your day by hobbling home crying in pain. So plan ahead! Wear them for a walk down the high street first, or maybe to work for a day where you can sit down. DON'T be fooled that when you wore them round house or in the store they were fine, standing or sitting is not  the same as walking for 10 minutes straight on wonky pavement. 

Try to push your limits but don't end up like me, on a shopping trip with the boyfriend, looking fabulous but extremely angry since I've gone past my pain threshold....poor guy never saw it coming...

Some shoes you may last a day at work in, but a night out clubbing or a shopping trip not so much. Build up your endurance bit by bit.

Wrapping up

Now naturally you can wear any kind of shoe you want, if you really want those ankle supportless pointy stick heeled shoes go for it, this is just a guide for daily long term high heel wearing. With a good shoe and some good training you can be the high heel wearing bad ass you always wanted to be.

Mixed race dating reaction

During September my lovely Korean boyfriend managed to come out to Seoul and visit me. Finally I could strut around hand in hand, blocking everyone behind me from walking on the path, like all the other couples!

My turn to be an obnoxious couple!

Foreign women with Korean men is quite a rare combination so I was expecting an increase in staring, but actually the amount of looks we got was pretty normal to how I am usually stared at on a daily basis. However, once while shopping together, the shop worker serving us asked if we were dating and was pretty impressed that we were. Usually the general attitude to Korean men dating foreign women is kind of congratulatory, which in some ways is good, but you also have to be aware of the darker side of that.

As a foreign woman you are kind of like an exotic designer handbag, there will most certainly be those who see you as you are and love you for it, and there will be those who just want to show you off to impress their friends.

"Sweet man! You collected a foreigner!"

Also if you are a foreign man dating a Korean women, you are more likely to run into violence than if it was the other way round. I've had male friends be beat up and threatened because they were seen flirting with Korean women. It's that whole "you can't come here and steal our women but we will happily steal yours" kind of attitude.

BUT! don't let that scare you. Most people are fine, you just to have to be aware of those that aren't. You also have to realise that maybe (like me) where you came from you were the ethnic majority so didn't experience life as a minority until now, or been such a small minority. Korea is not unique in this kind of attitude, it is just a general human thing when it comes to dealing with minority groups.

Family reactions

The extended Korean family have been absolutely lovely to me, even my boyfriends grandma was welcoming and accepting of me. I am lucky that I got a positive reaction. Not all families are as open minded, and that applies to cultures the world over, regardless of what your dating mix may be.

I was lucky, but I have known other mixed couples who did have trouble. The couple in mind had been dating for a long time until suddenly the parents on one side decided that although they were okay with them dating, the prospect of marriage was out of the question. This of course was difficult for both of the people to take, but in the end they decided to stay together. It's made family ties slightly tense, but I always say that once the parents adjust to the idea and realise that fighting just isn't worth it, they get over it. Also once you start giving them grandchildren they can't say no! I have friends with mixed race backgrounds whose parents had similar issues when they were dating, but they pulled through and now have a happy mixed family. So, my advice, hang in there!

Wise words

As a mixed couple I can tell you that after dating for a long time and falling in love, you don't even realise your partner is different to you. My friends also agree. You may be aware of it at first, but eventually you don't perceive your partners race, you just see them as they are. It takes time but people around you will also start to do the same, so don't be scared of being mixed. At the end of the day your relationship is about you and who you love, how other people see your relationship is irrelevant. 

6 Months of Studying later

So, I've been studying for over 6 months now, gone from level 1 Korean up to level 3 in that time so here's a post of what to expect of your fluency after the 6 month point.

After the end of level one you can more or less survive, you'll be able to express yourself simply, things like "I like that" "I can speak Korean" "I went to the library and borrowed a book" "I'm from (insert country here)" etc. Level 1 is the base of what you need to survive in Korea., ordering food, directions, talking on the phone etc. If you don't intend to be fluent but want to survive just do level 1. It takes about 3 months if you're starting from zero Korean.

Level 2 is a new ball game. You are starting to learn more specific grammar with more subtle meanings, and reaching a more conversational state. Still talking like a baby mind you, but you'll be able to say things like "I don't know if I wanna do this or that" "I've decided to keep studying" "He said he would meet us there" "I thought you liked Kimchi??"etc.

At the end of Level 2 you are at the 6 month mark, and will be able to manage a simple conversation and are also at the point where if you don't know a word in Korean you can actually ask them to explain it in Korean to you rather than needing it in English. So pretty good progress.

Come back after June 2013 for an update on fluency after a year of studying.