Mixed race dating reaction

During September my lovely Korean boyfriend managed to come out to Seoul and visit me. Finally I could strut around hand in hand, blocking everyone behind me from walking on the path, like all the other couples!

My turn to be an obnoxious couple!

Foreign women with Korean men is quite a rare combination so I was expecting an increase in staring, but actually the amount of looks we got was pretty normal to how I am usually stared at on a daily basis. However, once while shopping together, the shop worker serving us asked if we were dating and was pretty impressed that we were. Usually the general attitude to Korean men dating foreign women is kind of congratulatory, which in some ways is good, but you also have to be aware of the darker side of that.

As a foreign woman you are kind of like an exotic designer handbag, there will most certainly be those who see you as you are and love you for it, and there will be those who just want to show you off to impress their friends.

"Sweet man! You collected a foreigner!"

Also if you are a foreign man dating a Korean women, you are more likely to run into violence than if it was the other way round. I've had male friends be beat up and threatened because they were seen flirting with Korean women. It's that whole "you can't come here and steal our women but we will happily steal yours" kind of attitude.

BUT! don't let that scare you. Most people are fine, you just to have to be aware of those that aren't. You also have to realise that maybe (like me) where you came from you were the ethnic majority so didn't experience life as a minority until now, or been such a small minority. Korea is not unique in this kind of attitude, it is just a general human thing when it comes to dealing with minority groups.

Family reactions

The extended Korean family have been absolutely lovely to me, even my boyfriends grandma was welcoming and accepting of me. I am lucky that I got a positive reaction. Not all families are as open minded, and that applies to cultures the world over, regardless of what your dating mix may be.

I was lucky, but I have known other mixed couples who did have trouble. The couple in mind had been dating for a long time until suddenly the parents on one side decided that although they were okay with them dating, the prospect of marriage was out of the question. This of course was difficult for both of the people to take, but in the end they decided to stay together. It's made family ties slightly tense, but I always say that once the parents adjust to the idea and realise that fighting just isn't worth it, they get over it. Also once you start giving them grandchildren they can't say no! I have friends with mixed race backgrounds whose parents had similar issues when they were dating, but they pulled through and now have a happy mixed family. So, my advice, hang in there!

Wise words

As a mixed couple I can tell you that after dating for a long time and falling in love, you don't even realise your partner is different to you. My friends also agree. You may be aware of it at first, but eventually you don't perceive your partners race, you just see them as they are. It takes time but people around you will also start to do the same, so don't be scared of being mixed. At the end of the day your relationship is about you and who you love, how other people see your relationship is irrelevant. 

6 Months of Studying later

So, I've been studying for over 6 months now, gone from level 1 Korean up to level 3 in that time so here's a post of what to expect of your fluency after the 6 month point.

After the end of level one you can more or less survive, you'll be able to express yourself simply, things like "I like that" "I can speak Korean" "I went to the library and borrowed a book" "I'm from (insert country here)" etc. Level 1 is the base of what you need to survive in Korea., ordering food, directions, talking on the phone etc. If you don't intend to be fluent but want to survive just do level 1. It takes about 3 months if you're starting from zero Korean.

Level 2 is a new ball game. You are starting to learn more specific grammar with more subtle meanings, and reaching a more conversational state. Still talking like a baby mind you, but you'll be able to say things like "I don't know if I wanna do this or that" "I've decided to keep studying" "He said he would meet us there" "I thought you liked Kimchi??"etc.

At the end of Level 2 you are at the 6 month mark, and will be able to manage a simple conversation and are also at the point where if you don't know a word in Korean you can actually ask them to explain it in Korean to you rather than needing it in English. So pretty good progress.

Come back after June 2013 for an update on fluency after a year of studying.

Korean Dating Shows

I'm in a relationship so I'm not in the dating scene any more, and my Korean man is very westernised, so I haven't had any straight up Korean style dating. HOWEVER! I have found another way to observe the dating scene, dating TV shows! and better yet a show that is actually from England and remade in Korea. The one and only, Take Me Out! or in Korea, Love Switch!

Take Me Out in the UK

Love Switch in Korea

The aim of this dating show is they bring in one contestant, usually a male, and then a large arrangement of the opposite gender watch videos of the contestant and switch off the light on their counter if they don't want to date him. At the end the contestant chooses someone from the people who have left their lights on and gets to go on a date with that person.

After having watched both these shows I've noticed a few differences in how the Koreans approach the show compared with the Brit's.

1) In the UK nearly every show ends with them picking someone and going on a paid for luxury date together, usually a holiday, which then viewers see clips of in the next episode. Now the Korean version appears to lack the after date prize and footage, but that probably would be because hardly anyone gets chosen at the end of the show! At first I thought it was just a one off that the contestant at the end didn't choose any of the women that left their lights on, but after watching a few episodes I realised that, more or less, of the 3 men they bring on only 1 will walk away with a woman at the end. Picky much? the girls are friggin' gorgeous.

The text says "Gu Yuna who prefers busy guys" but she gets her light turned off by him in the end. 

It's not a flippin' marriage show, why so picky?? oh wait...maybe it is

2) All the contestants talk about how many years after dating they would like to be married by and will base their decisions on this. I cannot tell you the number of times I have watched this show and the people start talking about when they would like to be married by, and if your marriage timeline doesn't match theirs you are out of the running for a date. Why would you even mention that to a guy you are first meeting?? That's a cardinal sin in the western dating world!! punishable by dying alone and only being loved by your 50 cats!

"I'm 28 so I need to be married in 2 years, when do you want get married?"

This may seem a little forward, but actually out in Korea it isn't uncommon to hear this. And even the male contestants will say something similar. It is expected that everyone in Korea should get married by age 30, and although this is a similar standard in the west it's much more heavily enforced here. My older friends will be sent on constant streams of blind dates in order to find a husband/wife before "time runs out"

3) Your grades matter. I was watching one episode where the guy started explaining that even though he went to a good school his grades weren't the best, nearly every woman in that place turned their lights off....

Playa Playa

Education in Korea is super competitive and important, which deserves it's own separate post, but as we have sussed already that this show is a kind of marriage audition, having a good education is an important factor. So, best keep that C- you got that one time in pre-school hidden from your date.

Now we know we're looking for a genius in a similar age bracket annnddd...

4) You gotta be beautiful. Now this is pretty standard in any country, so no surprise, however in Korea there is a huge plastic surgery culture, another topic so huge that it needs it's own post. Also what is considered beautiful here is bound to a very strict set of guidelines which leads to a lot of people getting the exact same plastic surgery face....that most the contestants have...

The classic surgery face is skinny jaw, pointy nose, huge eyes. 

A lot of the women on the show have the characteristics of a surgery face

Spend enough time in Korea and you can spot the surgery face from a mile off, and I can safely say that about 97% of the women you see in the media have that exact face. The only fully natural girls you see tend to be in the audience. 

Now in the UK often celebrities will have had some work done, but when I watch Take me out UK the girls are all very varied, short, tall, old, young, skinny, and most importantly FAT! in the UK there is such a thing as a beautiful fat girl on TV and she will find herself a date on that show like any other girl. It's perfectly normal to be a little bigger, but with Korea's narrow vision of beauty you will not find such a diverse mix on Love switch. You will only be offered a skinny selection of surgery faces, because apparently that is the only thing that sells on Korean TV.

Take me out UK: There's actually some meat on those girls bones

So basically we can conclude that the general Korean dating show rule is to find someone extremely intelligent, extremely good looking and suitable to marry...no wonder the contestants hardly walk away with a date at the end....

Cultural Perspective on the Subject

One of the most important aspects of Korean culture one should understand is the constant pursuit for perfection. Post-war South Korea was deathly poor and all the countries focus was on improving their lives for future generations. Through making big impossible goals and working continuously to reach them, South Korea has become a super powered economic hub of Asia, however, that impossible goal culture has stuck. From an early age Korean children are encouraged to be the smartest, richest, most successful, and most beautiful. While in the west are taught to be accepting and to be happy with our flabby bodies and mediocre lives. Both these systems are good and bad, pursuing perfection leads to an unhealthy obsession and despair when it doesn't happen to you but also to a super effective and high flying society, whereas pursuing acceptance creates a lazier society that can't progress as quickly, but more happiness with the cards that one has been dealt and a better avoidance of social problems that Souther Korea suffers from like low self esteem, over working and a strong plastic surgery culture.

So when Koreans go on dating shows they are still pursuing that impossible goal and want to find absolute perfection, then marry that sucker to seal the deal. Voilà mystery solved.

Cost of living in Korea

Having come from the UK, which is one of the most expensive countries around and has a very strong currency, it is safe to say I am having a heck of a time out here! Woohoo making it rain! Do the money dance people!

buh seriously now

Seoul is cheaper than London I can tell you that, but only if you know what to do with your money. Cheaper than america I don't know since the won is pretty close with the dollar so you don't get the 50% super sale like I do when I buy my 50 hello kitty dolls. (what? I needed those dolls)

here's an idea of the general price ranges you'll see.

Eating out

1,000-5,000won- cheap, can buy you kimbap and even whole meals in cheap places-its pretty common
5,000-10,000won- average, will buy you a whole meal in most places, most common price range for food
10,000-15,000won- expensive, you are probably eating western food at this price, but it'll be more high quality, or it's a dish that is meant for a group to eat.
15,000-20,000won- very expensive, you're eating steak at this point or a buffet
20,000+won - you are eating friggin' lobster

Clothes

1,000-10,000won-cheap stuff like this can be found in student areas, you can buy all sorts, shoes, dresses, jumpers
10,000-20,000won- still cheap
20,000-40,000won- average, you'll find this in your typically branded stores
50,000-90,000won- will be more nice stuff like cool handbags, coats, jackets, unique pieces etc.
90,000+ upwards and onwards in quality and brand

Travel

chhheeeeeaaaappppppp!!!
Subway-1,500won a trip + a few 100won for long distance
Taxi-2,400won base rate and 100won for distance/time
Coach- depends on destination but Korea is small so you'll only travel maybe 4-6 hours max to get to the otherside 10,000-40,000won and with super comfortable reclining seats
Bus-cheaper than but similar to Subway price

Rent

You have to keep in mind that in Korea you have to pay a massive deposit if you want to rent an apartment usually 5,000,000won+ it's government protected though so if your landlord spends it all or doesn't give it back the government will pay you and chase up the landlord after. Contracts usually last a year, and you may have to pay more rent monthly to get a shorter contract, you can also pay more deposit to get a lower monthly rent. If you have 100,000,000won you can actually find a way to live rent free, since most buildings are owned by property developers and investors and they will invest your deposit to make money, and in return you can live in the building rent free.

300,000-600,000won a month- a haksoojib, goshiwon or dorm price in seoul, can also get a small one room apartment in a not so nice area.
600,000-1,000,000won a month-if your contract is long and you are paying a larger deposit probably a small but more modern one room apartment
1,000,000-2,000,000won a month- you can manage a modern officetelle with this kind of price range
2,000,000+ you will gradually get more and more space and a better location extra

Don't have enough money for a deposit?
don't worry! you can get a small bedroom in a goshiwon or a hasookjib. They're much cheaper monthly too, it's generally reserved for students but working adults are free to live in them too. A goshiwon is similar to a dorm in size and, depending on what you pay, will be very tiny and may or may not have you're own small bathroom unit inside the room. I'm currently in a goshiwon, it's tiny but I have my own bathroom and have added all my cute home comforts, so it's just like having a bedroom in a shared house really. A hasookjib is for students, you will get a room, usually a shared bathroom with a floor, annnndddd a special bonus *drum roll please* your meals are cooked for you! ta-da! in a goshiwon you'll probably have free kimchi and rice in the shared kitchen but a hasookjib will prepare full meals for you.

Utilities
I'm afraid I don't know about bills since they're included in my goshiwon and were included in my dorm, but i've been advised by estate agents to always add another 100,000won on top of you rent to budget for bills. Which will vary depending on the size of your place and your usage etc.

HOT TIP
wanna decorate your pad with awesome cute stuff? stationary? cleaning products? storage utilities? Daiso is the Korean 99p/dollar store/whatever you have in your home country store. I love that place, it has so much awesome stuff at 1,000won 

In general Seoul isn't too bad to live in money wise, if you need to live cheap you can do it and be pretty comfortable, and if you are teaching a typical salary is 2,000,000won a month and you don't even  have to pay rent, so yeah, money dance people! 

Using Your Foreign iphone/buying a new phone in Korea

I wanted to use my present UK iphone in Korea, and since I had a hard time finding resources on how, here is a blog post on getting a phone/using an iphone in Korea, as it is indeed possible.

Step one

UNLOCK YOUR PHONE FIRST

Your phone needs to be unlocked in your home country before you can be given a Korean SIM, I had a friend who wanted to use her iphone but because it was locked she couldn't, when she then asked her phone company to unlock it they explained she had to actually physically be in their store to do it. Which she couldn't do because she was in Korea....so you best unlock that sucker!

Step two

I can't speak for places outside of Seoul but when I went to get my phone done I went to the Olleh store in Hongdae since there is an English speaker available. I imagine all Olleh stores are able to give you the SIM but you might want someone who speaks Korean with you.
Bring:-

• Passport (alien registration card works too)
• Phone
• Address details

Hongdae exit 9, olleh store is directly in front of you, go in, go upstairs, look confused and speak english then an english speaker will probably come get you.

Tell him/her what you want, in my case a pay as you go SIM, write down your details on the form, the person helping you will show you where you sign and write since the contract is in Korean.

Give them some money for the SIM (I think about 5,000 won) and top up your phone.

and you're good to go!

Contracts

If you decide you want a contract, or to buy one of their fancy phones, get a Korean bank account (very easy to do) bring your passport again and start talking to the clerk about what you want. I do warn you though that contracts generally last a year so don't waste your money if you're staying for less than a year, if however you have that money to waste go ahead (you lucky duck)

Getting a cheap Pay as you go

My friends who didn't unlock their phones, or have the money to buy a smart phone or not staying long enough for a contract, got cheap recycled phones for about 15,000won. They're very old school but hey it works! Same contract and top up system as your unlocked phone.

Easy right? just talk to a store clerk and they will find you everything you need. I am currently using my UK iphone with a Korean SIM and have had no problems.

Pre-leaving nerves

This is my face right now

I have about 2 weeks to go before my flight to Korea and the reality of going to a foreign country where I don't speak the language and have no friends or family is starting to sink in.

I can barely order a takeaway on my own let alone go abroad!.....people on phones scare me...

I keep trying to remind myself, you have already been through University once, you've moved out of home and lived alone before.....the catch is I hated University! I made 3 friends and one arch nemesis! And considering I'm a very tolerant and easy going person it takes A LOT to become my arch nemesis!! (but that's another story)

Point is, that is no comfort.

But once my sister spoke to me I calmed down, She went on a gap year around my age and explained that actually I can come home at any time, I just have to ask myself :

"if I went home now would I regret it forever?" 

And the answer is yes, I would totally regret it. and quite frankly regret is a worse feeling than nerves.

Big Boobs vs. Korea

Now lemme tell you a story....

I was shopping on a Korean website when: ooo look at that cute jacket!! I want it, but I'm not sure it'll fit me, oh the chest measurement is 80cm!! that sounds big! lemme check my size! *gets measuring tape* ...........-_-

Damn you Cute Korean Fashion!!!

I have come to the conclusion that God had intended for me to grow up to be a stripper -_-, I have been trying to fight that fact since these breasticles started forming on my chest but boy does he make it difficult for me!

My mantra for shopping for clothes in Korea is this: if you are big in your own country lord knows you will be massive in Korea.
This applies to any body part, big head?? You'll have a tough time finding hats. Big feet?? Forget about those pretty shoes you just saw they are not in your size. Long legs? Wide shoulders?? Massive hands?? anything! You will have it harder.

If you are an average size in your home country then fine, you will be able to fit into something out there, but if you find it hard shopping for your size in your home country then it will be bar impossible in Korea.

But there is hope! In Myong-Dong in Seoul there are a lot of western brands like H&M and Forever21 that have the same stuff you would find in your local stores. Itaewon also supposedly caters to the larger person, however the choice of clothing may not be to your taste.

Here are a few tips though for the curvier woman in Korea:

• Buy waist belts, nipping in at the waist is best for curvy women, if you can't find those kind of cuts in clothes or are stuck wearing baggy clothes to cater to your size, wear a waist belt to make the outfit do a waist nip.
• Buy all your bra's before you come here, same goes for big headed hat wearers, big footed shoe wearers, big handed glove wearers, what ever it is that you need to fit your out of proportion bits, as you'll have a much harder time getting it here.
• If god wanted you to be a stripper too, and you are desperately trying to fight that, these bra's are pretty good:  http://www.highstreettv.com/genie-bra-3-pack-free-pads-1.html?gclid=CJje8q7PpbACFcwNtAodAzh1XQ they've started cropping up all over so you don't need to buy this brand but it's good for those with bra troubles.

Otherwise happy shopping~~ and you never know it may actually fit you so don't be afraid to try things on.